Peak Performance (2017)
[02.09.2023]
NO. MORE. SHOTS. NO. MORE. PEOPLE PLEASING. NO. MORE.
YES TO SELF LOVE. YES TO HEALTH: PHYSICAL, MENTAL, EMOTIONAL
START MAKING DECISIONS WITH THE QUESTION:
How will your choice positively/negatively affect you?
I was so disappointed with myself yesterday. I let myself be cocky and irresponsible again. These bad decisions stem from my over inflated ego of "yeah, everything will work well for me so I can be a reckless as I want." Well, it isn't.
Yes when I was brewing in my self loathe after causing my own suffering, I felt sucked into the black hole of self pity and thinking: oh, it's my upbringing and my environment that caused me to behave this way. Maybe, but stop blaming everyone/everything else. Take charge. That is when I felt my power came back.
No matter what. Right now, I have the power to make any choice to better my situation.
[Present day - 02.06.2025]
I made the same egoistic mistake again last weekend but instead of bathing in self loathe, I stayed present with myself. I was suffering: head throbbing, urge to puke, scratchy throat and intense exhaustion. I did not feel like myself at all and I was aware. I slept in, forced myself to drink lots of water and fed myself biscuits in bite size. I know I did myself wrong but that wasn't the time to focus on that. The focus was to get well. Only when my mind and body cleared up can I make better decisions moving forward for myself. The past has happened and it has resulted in the current state, I need to move forward.
This helped me recover in record speed. All the while though in the background, I felt disappointment in the events that I couldn't attend, things that I have planned ahead for myself but had to cancel because I wasn't feeling well. I know now how much love I have given myself that I do not need to fall into the trap of artificial love during social settings. I noticed that if the setting required me to chug alcohol, likely, the conversation isn't rich and therefore we have to fill the gaps with poison.
I also took note of the environment/people that contributed to this state. There's a pattern and I can see it now. I will be more mindful and avoid these situations in the future.
[11.09.2023]
I'm so grateful that I'm finally feeling more like myself today. I can feel my body getting stronger. This means alot to me. I have been listening to this new audiobook called "Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success" by Brad Stulberg & Steve Magness. And I realized that a lot of my new habit for health, self care, rest, focus have alot of similarities of these long standing performers. This outlook gave me a sense of hope that I too can do something with my life one day as long as I continue these good habits.
