The Tender Bar (2021)
I just finished watching the "Tender Bar" starring Ben Affleck and Tye Sheridan. It's so good.
The moment JR gained confidence in himself was when he stopped seeing himself as a victim of his life situation, his parents.
This story beautifully portrays a kind boy brought up by the softer side of men - his Uncle Charlie, Uncle Charlie's friends and his grandfather. In particular, where Uncle Charlie spends a great amount of time guiding JR on what a good man does or should have, Charlie does not project his wants/needs or try to become JR's father. This is mainly because I believe Uncle Charlie is already living his full life, without regrets. Yes, he is proud that JR is going to become a writer. I even suspect that Charlie might have wanted to become a writer at some point because of how much he loves reading. However, you can see that when he talks to JR about books and writing, it is from a place of passion and love, not regret nor jealousy.
The drastic difference in the life of Uncle Charlie and JR's father is so crucial for him to make a clear comparison on the life he wanted post graduation:
- follow the path of his alcoholic father who hits women because he was hungry or
- learn from his bartender uncle who would never hit a woman, even when stabbed.
Another realization was how he had been protected by his mother (and family) from the physically abusive father so that he did not have to grow up with fear.
I love the many concepts of societal truths in this movie. It's heartwarming to relate as I type this alone at 11pm after having felt seen. We are all responsible for ourselves and our choices. However, sometimes, good people in our lives will extend their hands. It is up to us to have courage to take their hand and stand up. Choose the difficult, tiring path. Own it. Shed some tears, shimmer in some loneliness. My thirties have felt more grounded than my twenties but the theme of unknown pain is still very much present.
Writing about my thoughts and feelings comfort me. Writing about my life scares me. "But you're a writer the minute you say you are. Nobody gives you a diploma. You have to prove it, at least to yourself. And just my luck, publishing was headed towards memoir."
I also want to note in this movie, Ben Affleck played Charlie who hangs in bars with his guy friends and drive around town in this convertible. He is content as is and together the gang of men supported JR. In Good Will Hunting, Chuckie, too played by Ben Affleck, was also hanging in bars with his guy friends and drove Will around town in his convertible. At the end of both movies, Charlie/Chuckie both handed the keys to JR/Will, which was the key for them to move on to the next phase of their lives.
MIND BLOWN 🤯